trial and error

I always say, “from now on i will not give a rat’s ass on what other people would think.” guess what- I still do. 

it’s so difficult to not feel anything when other people judge you,say and sometimes even do incredibly mean things to you. I always want to care less and focus more on what I want and what makes me happy other than what makes them happy. 

I know I wasn’t made to please other people.I know it’s not my job to agree to everyone’s liking.I was made to test drive this lifetime and enjoy it as much as I can. I know I have to make goals and take it and make mistakes too- so when i give the keys back to whoever who owns this i can tell Him it’s good and bad points. 

I know that the point of being alive is to live and not be imprisoned. I can only walk this earth once and I know I can’t waste it on thinking about what others think.  

I KNOW. but it’s still a struggle to not care. at the end of it all at the back of my tantruming brain child, a self-conscious adolescent keeps whispering that others are looking so please give a fuck and behave accordingly.

but in a few years that self-conscious adolescent hiding behind my brain child will grow up. she will realize that there’s nothing to be afraid of. jealousy and envy will criticize and gossip- and will continue to be miserable while she basks in her happiness and freedom and true love will respect and celebrate with her.

when that happens my brain child will have a friend and together they will run wild and rock n roll haha  <3 <3 <3

Lalo na kapag lumaki laki ka na ng konti at matutuklasan mong hindi pala siya ganon ka cool. Taba ng braso, praning,bungangera,oa, ignorante,iniinterview lahat ng kaibigan mong pumupunta, pakealamera, maldita minsan kuripot pa. 

minsan man o madalas, natututunan mong magtanim ng sama ng loob sakanya. At ang plano sa buhay e kahit anong mapapalayo ka sa ubod ng talas na radar niya. 

Hindi mo naman kailangan intindihin ng malalim kung bakit ganyan o ganito ang pagkatao niya. Iba iba ang tao kadugo mo man o hindi. At maniwala ka sa hindi, e hindi mo siya kilalang kilala pero siya kilalang kilala ka niya. 

Pero tatandaan mo kahit malabo siya minsan man o madalas, nakakairita o nakakapang gigil kapag kinailangan ka niya, huwag na huwag mo siyang iiwan. 

Huwag mong kakalimutan na nung kinailangan mo siya nanjan siya ng walang alinlangan para sayo. 

kapag may masakit,may gusto kang malaman o may gusto kang ipabili, kapag may problema at hindi mo na alam pano aayusin 
hindi ba siya ang lagi mo tinatawag? 

“Mama wiwi”
“Mama uu”
“Mama dodo”
“Mama masakit ung ganito ko,”
“Mama natatakot ako sa multo”
“Mama si kuya!!!.”
“Mama si ate!”
“Mama bakit wala tayong pakpak?”
“Mama pede ba magsnow sa pilipinas?”
“Mama bili mo ko barbie”
“Mama ako din lagyan mo din ako ng listip”
“Mama bili mo ko dragonball”
“Mama kain tayo stapegi”
“Mama padrawing ng map of the philippines”
“Mama pagawa assignment”
“Mama penge baon”
“Mama paano na gagawin ko???”
“Mama kelangan daw ng sedimentatry rocks sa science bukas”
“Mama palaba ng tshirt ko”
“Mama may sipon ako”
“Mama penge pera”
“Mama penge pera”
“Mama penge pera”

Minsan o madalas may sagot lahat ng mama mo sakanya. Minsan man o madalas hindi niya nabibigay ng buo dahil sa kakulangan niya pero kahit na ganon ibinibigay parin niya lahat ng meron siya.

Ngayon na siya naman ang tatawag sayo.

“Anak paano ba mag add ng friend sa facebook?”
“Anak gusto ko ng loreal na powder”
“Anak paano ba tong touch screen?”
“Anak samahan mo naman ako sa grocery”
“Anak ipagdrive mo naman ako”
“Anak naman ishoot mo lang sa laundry basket un damit mo!”
“Anak ang sakit ng likod ko,masahe naman jan”
“Anak penge pera pang pa ospital”
“Anak magisa nalang ako dito sa bahay, pwede ba sumama nalang ako sayo?”

Magkaron ka ng puso,utang na loob sumagot ka. 
Dahil hindi lahat ng Tao mapalad gaya mo na biniyayaan ng Ina.

when i’m with friends

 it’s like being inside a bubble.the background is a faint sketch of the world and the background buzzing sounds muffled. I know that the world is just a thin plastic away and maybe even see it once in a while through my peripherals. but most of my attention is definitely with them and the moment.

i feel bravier. like there’s nothing wrong that i can do. there’s no lame joke i can say and there’s no hirit nobody won’t apir to hahaha.

i feel prettier. my friends are my best accessories. :)

i feel HERE. that feeling when you’re in the middle of a thick crowd  ,your friends come up and suddenly you’re there. acknowledged and part of something super awesome. :)